Holidays, smiles, materialism and more.

Christianity - Christmas
Judaism - Hanukkah
Buddhism - Bodhi Day
Hinduism - Diwali
Islam - Eid ul-Adha
Many cultures - Winter Solstice
The rest of us - Festivus


Holidays are about happiness. Note the H's. Not materialistic wants, although gifts are a large part of holidays. Gifts should show someone that you love them, think of them, and want them to know that you care. So, yeah.

I will now describe the best holiday ever.

Festivus

Festivus was created by the all mighty Dan O'Keefe. The rituals are as follows.

The Festivus Pole.
This is an aluminum pole, unadorned, set in the living room or wherever one would put a Christmas tree. It should have no decorations, as tinsel is distracting. It is usually stored in ones crawl space. It should always be made of aluminum.

Festivus Dinner.
Dinner is served before The Feats Of Strength, during The Airing Of Grievances. It is typically meatloaf or spaghetti in tomato sauce.

The Airing Of Grievances.

Frank Costanza: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!

Basically, you tell your loved ones and the world what is wrong with them / it. How they have insulted or disappointed you. This begins right after Festivus Dinner is served. Every household has its own traditions; in one house, the Airing of Grievances consisted of writing the grievances on the fridge in marker.


The Feats Of Strength

The FOS generally follows the AOG. Under the Seinfeld orthodoxy, Festivus is not over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned. While there is an undeniable classic elegance to this, real world Festivus practitioners have developed other cathartic methods of discharging pent-up energy against one's fellows, including thumb wrestling.





Happy Festivus.